Yeah, its been awhile since I left this blog. I don't simply write if I don't have an entry that can beneficently shared among us. There's a lot to write so does to keep to myself. A lot of questions unanswered, situations unexplained, and tangles untangled. Today is the 27th of Ramadhan, I don't know where to put the benchmark of quality if been compared to last year or previous years. As previous year I'd shared benefits of solat tarawikh every night and I even wrote an entry about Ramadhan but this year I'm just focusing myself towards devoting myself towards Allah. And yet, it comes to my mind a few questions, 'have I reached my target? Did I devoutly remorse what have I done? What had I gain? Did I obtain bless from Allah? His forgiveness? And I keep on wander these questions in my mind.
I just hope, no, I really really want Allah to soften and cleanse my heart, be it by decontaminate or disinfect by fumigating or other thousand ways doing it. I just don't know how, anymore. A lot of assiduous had been put in fighting heart 'diseases' but it comes to no avail. I thought this is the month where all the devils had been entangle thus a perfect time for me to change, maybe I did a little bit but I can feel it's not enough.
So if anyone know a way, please please please tell me how.. I am so desperate that sooner or later I'll become a desperado. (Just kidding). Maybe a desperado of wanting to be good? Haha. Err, didn't it sound ironic?
Anyway, I would like to share you one more thing. I think, maybe, (this is what I felt), last night was night of Lailatul Qadr. The night was so serenely peaceful like those signs they (ulama's) said. And yet, I was questioning myself again, did I get the night that is better than thousands months? -_-
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| Let's practice this d'ua before it's too late |
