Once in a blue moon

Suddenly... This feeling, of unwanted feeling, maybe a gift from Him, come to me once in a blue moon. This unwanted feeling is, for me, an infatuation phase which always deceit my conscious mind to be in idling mode. Not a good feeling though, in long terms.

You most probably couldn't understand this what more to relate. Thus, I am so sorry for wasting your time reading my scribble.

Lost awhile in Lailatul Qadr

Assalamualaikum, first and foremost before I start. 

Yeah, its been awhile since I left this blog. I don't simply write if I don't have an entry that can beneficently shared among us. There's a lot to write so does to keep to myself. A lot of questions unanswered, situations unexplained, and tangles untangled. Today is the 27th of Ramadhan, I don't know where to put the benchmark of quality if been compared to last year or previous years. As previous year I'd shared benefits of  solat tarawikh every night and I even wrote an entry about Ramadhan but this year I'm just focusing myself towards devoting myself towards Allah. And yet, it comes to my mind a few questions, 'have I reached my target? Did I devoutly remorse what have I done? What had I gain? Did I obtain bless from Allah? His forgiveness? And I keep on wander these questions in my mind. 

I just hope, no, I really really want Allah to soften and cleanse my heart, be it by decontaminate or disinfect by fumigating or other thousand ways doing it. I just don't know how, anymore. A lot of assiduous had been put in fighting heart 'diseases' but it comes to no avail. I thought this is the month where all the devils had been entangle thus a perfect time for me to change, maybe I did a little bit but I can feel it's not enough. 

So if anyone know a way, please please please tell me how.. I am so desperate that sooner or later I'll become a desperado. (Just kidding). Maybe a desperado of wanting to be good? Haha. Err, didn't it sound ironic? 

Anyway, I would like to share you one more thing. I think, maybe, (this is what I felt), last night was night of Lailatul Qadr. The night was so serenely peaceful like those signs they (ulama's) said. And yet, I was questioning myself again, did I get the night that is better than thousands months? -_-

Let's practice this d'ua before it's too late

Ramadhan... I hope, wish, and pray, we'll meet again next year, Insya Allah.. You'll be dearly missed.. T-T